you already know how this one will end
you open your eyes with a strange feeling in your chest. the warm familiarity of it registers before you could realize why — you have dreamt of him again.
except, he wasn’t a part of your life anymore. the last time you saw each other was about two years ago, but you had stopped talking long before that. you don’t have lingering feelings anymore. don’t think of him whenever you visit harbour square. don’t picture him in some uniform, with the philippine flag printed somewhere in it whenever you hear news about the southeast asian games. his name is no longer brought up whenever you meet with your high school girlfriends. he doesn’t have a space in your mundane routines, except when you dream.
when questions like “have you ever been in a relationship?” were answered with a no and followed by, “but have you ever fallen in love?” his name isn’t the one you mention anymore. in fact, you never believed you had been in love with him at all. but back then, there was no more interesting narrative than a tale of childhood enemies becoming ambiguous lovers. there are better stories to tell now. grander opportunities in love missed. you have forgotten that eight formative years of your life were half spent thinking about him, and now you don’t care at all.
except, he still haunts your dreams.
and it’s not because of unresolved feelings that remain lingering.
who knew that a tale with a slow beginning leading to an obscure ending would someday be an object of familiarity? that now, in times of great uncertainty and longing, your mind has chosen his image to paint a shelter in a storm. the abstract of him that your mind conjures has become a reminder of a circumstance that was once too confusing but has reached an ending. like a horror film you’ve seen over and over again, you have memorized all the jump scares throughout its sequence — when and how the demon would appear; how the hero would eventually defeat it.
when confronted with another enemy, you drag the playhead of your favorite horror film back towards the start and hit play. because you already know how this one will end. and it gives you a false sense of control.
This piece was originally posted on Substack on December 16, 2025 and migrated to BearBlog on March 19, 2026.