working against my principles
Since October last year, I’ve been freelancing in a certain field of Science — I won’t specify — that I don’t particularly agree with. I hate every minute of working here (granted, the work’s only just a few times a month). But I hate even more how it’s giving me funds to provide for my sister’s education in lieu of both my parent’s unemployment.
Aside from that, mental illness is extremely expensive. I’ve been shouldering my own psychiatrist appointments and medication since college. Now, I’m also paying for therapy. I have the option to just… stop. Or at least, pause. But doing so will put three years of semi-consistent medication (my longest, so far) to waste. I hate that this job is funding that.
I have been actively sending out resumes and applying for jobs in the actual field that I studied in university. It’s taking a bit more time because I’m really dedicated to getting into government agencies (which take ages to process things). But I know I’ll get it one of these days. I have to.
I know others my age have it worse, especially in this country. I should not be whining. It’s just hard not to feel this pit of guilt in my stomach. I tell myself I’m surviving — but then again, the option to stop is there.
I can’t wait to get out of here.