today's win: i washed my dishes
I made the rookie mistake of accidentally opening my uni/org Facebook account and saw updates on my colleagues today. In my defense, it was to deactivate it after I did the same with my (multiple) Instagram accounts.
The very point of having a uni Facebook account is to make it separate from my personal one, which only my family and a few close friends know about. In my uni account, I try to expand my network by adding blockmates, orgmates, professors1, and other connections. As much as I wanted to stay offline during uni, Facebook and other online platforms have been crucial to staying updated in class, especially during the pandemic.
To keep my feed streamlined, I used to unfollow almost every living person that I was friends with. So for a long time, my feed consisted of job openings, news on biotech companies, and scholarship opportunities. There were some individuals I've failed to unfollow, those added during the busiest time of my undergrad (thesis days). Some news of them slipped by as I was trying to deactivate the account today.
One friend from high school now has a job at a well-known private shipping company. A batchmate of mine from uni scored a 99 on the National Medical Admission Test. Some were on vacation abroad.
I feel very proud of them, especially my batchmates, because I was there when the department put our entire batch through hell just to graduate on time. And now they're onto med school! So much pride swells in my chest, but a part of it stings a little bit too because... what were my wins as of late? Today I finally washed the pile of dishes sitting on my sink since yesterday.
It feels so trivial. The fact that my antidepressants haven't seemed to work for the past few weeks doesn't make things easier. I was feeling too non-functional to even take care of myself and our two dogs. And yet, today I finally washed my dishes.
Despite sleeping half the day off, I managed to clean up some of the dogs' toys lying around, sweep the floor, and take out the trash. Those are very small wins, I know, but they're my progress nonetheless.
I've been sending out applications since January2 and I'll continue to do so. I feel lucky to be able to work freelance at home while job hunting. As long as I'm making small steps every day, I want to allow myself to rest and wait (which I am not very good at). In the meantime, I've been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons (2020) and Earthbound (1994) on the Switch. Writing here has also tremendously helped.
I feel so excited to write a blog post entitled "I got the job" one of these days.